75 Valentine Jokes that Everyone Will Love

By Christen Reiner, Macaroni KID Lakewood-Littleton & Macaroni KID Denver Editor and Publisher February 3, 2024

Our family LOVES to laugh, and we LOVE a good joke. We LOVE Dad jokes, punny jokes, silly jokes, and themed jokes... so we thought that we would gather 75 of our favorite funnies for Valentine's Day. Use them to impress your family with awesome lunch box notes, dinner table entertainment, or share the LOVE at bedtime. Whenever you choose to bust them out, you'll be sure to spread LOVE and laughs this Valentine season.

  1. Who always has a date on Valentine’s Day? A calendar.
  2. What did one bee say to the other? I love bee-ing with you, honey!
  3. What Valentine’s message can you find in a honeycomb? Bee mine.
  4. How did the orca ask the other to be their Valentine? Whale you be mine?
  5. What do you call a Valentine's Day gift that didn't arrive time? Choco-late.
  6. What’s the best breakfast for a perfect Valentine's Day? A hug and a quiche.
  7. What did one Jedi say to the other on Valentine’s Day? Yoda one for me!
  8. Why did the dad say about his daughter’s hockey goalie-boyfriend? He's a real keeper.
  9. What do you call two sparrows who just got engaged? Lovebirds.
  10. What’s the most romantic type of ship? A courtship.
  11. What did the pickle say to the other on Valentine’s Day? You’re a big dill to me.
  12. What did the scientist say to his sweetheart? We’ve got good chemistry.
  13. How did the cashew share its feelings with the almond? I’m nuts about you.
  14. What did one cantaloupe write to the other in their Valentine’s card? You’re one in a melon!
  15. Why did the skeleton break up with her boyfriend before Valentine’s Day? Her heart wasn’t in it.
  16. What message is on candy hearts for cats? You’re purr-fect!
  17. Why do air fresheners love Valentine’s Day? They’re so scent-imental.
  18. What did the dustpan say to the broom? You sweep me off my feet!
  19. Where did the high-heel take its date? To the football.
  20. What did the drum tell its Valentine? My heart beats for you.
  21. What did the needle say to the thread? You’re sew special to me.
  22. How did the vegetable politely ask for a date? Peas be my Valentine.
  23. What kind of flowers shouldn’t you gift your girlfriend? Cauliflowers.
  24. What did the stamp say to the envelope on Valentine’s Day? I’m stuck on you.
  25. What did the tree say to the houseplant? Do you be-leaf in love?
  26. Why did all the other fruit ask the banana to be their Valentine? She was very a-peel-ing.
  27. What are insects called when they’re married? Lovebugs.
  28. How do sheep show affection? They say I love ewe.
  29. What do you call a happy couple who met via Twitter? Tweethearts.
  30. Why was the canoe considered a heartthrob? He was so row-mantic.
  31. Which type of flower is the best at giving smooches? Tulips.
  32. Why did the burglar get arrested on Valentine’s Day? They were stealing too many hearts.
  33. What do pieces of fruit write to each other in their Valentine's Day cards? I love you berry much!
  34. What did the couple say after they were struck by Cupid’s arrow? “Ouch!”
  35. What do you write in a slug's Valentine's Day card? Be my Valen-slime!
  36. What did the paper clip say to the magnet? Stick with me, Valentine.
  37. Why did the husband get his wife a kitten for Valentine's Day? He thought it was the purrfect present.
  38. Why didn’t the skeleton want to send any Valentine’s Day cards? His heart wasn’t in it.
  39. What is Cupid's favorite band? Kiss!
  40. What did one volcano say to the other? I lava you.
  41. Why did the sheriff lock up their valentine? She stole their heart.
  42. What do you call two birds in love? Tweethearts!
  43. What did one flame say to another on Valentine's Day? We're a perfect match.
  44. What did the candle say when it was lit on Valentine's Day? I found the perfect match!
  45. What did the scientist say to her valentine? I think of you periodically.
  46. How can you tell when a squirrel is in love? It goes nuts!
  47. What did the calculator say to the pencil? You can count on me.
  48. How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend? He gave her a ring!
  49. What did one oar tell the other oar on Valentine's Day? This is so row-mantic!
  50. What did the light bulb say to the other light bulb? You light up my world.
  51. What do farmers give for Valentine’s Day? Hogs and kisses.
  52. How can you get arrested on Valentine's Day? For stealing someone's heart.
  53. What did one piece of toast say to the other? You’re my butter half!
  54. What do you call a very small Valentine? A valen-tiny.
  55. What did the ghost say to his valentine? You look so BOOtiful.
  56. If he doesn't appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.
  57. What did the elephant say to his Valentine? I love you a ton!
  58. How much candy do you hope to get this Valentine's Day? A choco-LOT!
  59. What do you call a ghost's sweetheart? A ghoul-friend or boo-friend.
  60. Knock knock.
    • Who's there?
    • Olive.
    • Olive who?
    • Olive you!
  61. Knock knock.
    • Who's there?
    • Peas.
    • Peas who?
    • Peas be mine!
  62. Knock knock.
    • Who's there?
    • Howard.
    • Howard who?
    • Howard you like a big kiss?
  63. Knock knock.
    • Who's there?
    • Bea.
    • Bea who?
    • Bea my Valentine!
  64. What did the cook say to his Valentine? You’re bacon me crazy!
  65. What did one lightbulb say to the other on Valentine’s Day? I love you watts.
  66. What did the painter say to her sweetheart? I love you with all my art.
  67. Do you have a date for Valentine’s Day? Yes! It’s February 14th.
  68. What did Frankenstein’s monster say to his bride on Valentine’s Day? Be my Valen-stein!
  69. What type of shape is most popular on Valentine’s Day? Acute triangle.
  70. What holiday do pigs celebrate every February? Valenswine's Day.
  71. What do squirrels give each other on Valentine's Day? Forget-me-nuts.
  72. What do you call Valentine's Day in a fish tank? Guppy love.
  73. What did the bat say to his Valentine? You’re fun to hang around with.
  74. Where do burgers take their Valentine’s Day dates to dance? To the meatball.
  75. Why do melons have big weddings? Because they cantaloupe.

Happy Valentine's Day!