No matter what their age, our children are looking to us to make them feel safe. Keeping the lines of communication open with our kids becomes even more important when scary things happen in the world around us.
But, many of us are struggling to start the conversation after traumatic events, like the tragedy at Evergreen High School, take place.
Several online resources, such as the National Child Traumatic Stress Network, offer practical guidelines to help parents talk to children about community violence. Here are some tips:
Find out what they already know
- A good way to start the conversation is to ask your children what they already know.
- No matter what their age, if you have heard about a scary event, your children probably have, too.
- Be the first one they have a conversation with.
Be honest and brief
- Use simple, clear, and age-appropriate language to explain what has really occurred, or is occuring.
Encourage your child to talk about their fears and to ask questions
- Letting your child lead the conversation can help them express their concerns and fears.
- Acknowledge that their concerns are important.
Offer nonverbal alternatives for expressing fears
- Drawing and writing are two options that may make it easier for kids to open up about their feelings.
- Brainstorm with your child about how you, as a family, could help your community. Being proactive can be therapeutic for your whole family. The American Red Cross of Mile High's website has some excellent opportunities to help in Colorado communities affected by wildfires.
Manage media exposure
- Children are ALWAYS aware, even when it seems like they are not.
- Be extra diligent with the sounds and images your children are exposed to on TV, on the radio (in the car, especially), and online.
Be a positive role model for your kids
- Sharing your feelings about the incident with your child in a way they can understand helps them feel validated.
- Tell them that you are also sad, and that you feel bad for the victims and their families.
- Talk to your kids about what you are doing to cope with your own feelings.
Focus on the positive
- Share positive reactions to the event with your kids as well, such as how people helped each other during and after the tragedy.
- Fred Rogers' timeless advice is still relevant today, “When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, 'Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.' To this day, especially in times of 'disaster,' I remember my mother’s words and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers – so many caring people in this world.”
Be patient
- Whether they are very young or a teenager, kids may exhibit changes in behavior in response to scary events in our community. This is normal.
- Extra patience, care, and love will go a long way while your child works through their feelings.
Get help if needed
- If you find that negative changes in behavior continue for longer than a few weeks, you may need to reach out to your child’s doctor or a mental health professional to get the support your child needs to move forward.
HELPFUL RESOURCES
- Helping Kids Navigate Scary News Stories from PBS for Parents
- Helping Children and Adolescents Cope With Traumatic Events from the National Institute of Mental Health
- Guidance for Supporting Kids: Stress Reactions Following a Disruptive or Traumatic Event from Jeffco Public Schools
- How to Help Children ages 12-18 when they have Witnessed a Traumatic Event from Child Mind Institute
- General Mental Health Resources from Jeffco Public Schools
- Tips for Talking to Children and Youth After Traumatic Events: A Guide for Parents and Educators from U.S. Department of Health and Human Services
- Inside Him (Stories for Children that Grownups Can Watch) by Illinois Childhood Trauma Coalition
Books for Kids
- Everybody Has Feelings: Todos Tenemos Sentimientos: The Moods of Children by C.E. Avery (Ages 2 to 5)
- A Terrible Thing Happened by Margaret M. Holmes (Ages 4 to 10)
- Why Did It Happen? by Janice Cohn (Ages 5 and up)
- Reactions by Alison Salloum (Ages 9 and up)
- Glad Monster, Sad Monster: A Book About Feelings by Ed Emberley and Anne Miranda (Ages 4 to 8)
Books for Parents
- The Scared Child: Helping Kids Overcome Traumatic Events by Joy Berry
- Children and Trauma: A Parent’s Guide to Helping Children Heal by Jossey-Bass
If you are a Jeffco family that has been impacted by the shooting at Evergreen High School, or any other traumatic event, please visit the Jeffco Family Response Service Team website or utilize the following options offered by Jeffco Public Schools.
If you or your child/teen needs immediate assistance:
- Visit a walk-in crisis center in Jefferson County
- Jefferson Center for Mental Health’s Crisis and Recovery Center in Wheat Ridge, 4643 Wadsworth Blvd..
- Other walk-in crisis centers in Metro Denver
- Call or text Colorado’s Crisis Line at 988
Tips for talking with and supporting your child:
- Child Mind Institute: Helping Children Cope After a Traumatic Event English | Spanish
- National Child Traumatic Stress Network: Talking to children about school shootings English | Spanish
Resource for Parents/Caregivers:
- Resource for helping parents and caregivers manage their own distress after a shooting or tragic event.
Reporting Information
We know that keeping students safe is a top priority for you. When you talk to your child, please remind them that their well-being is what matters most. Encourage them to report any potential safety concerns to you or the school, no matter how small or insignificant they might seem. Students can also report concerns anonymously through Safe2Tell at 877-542-7233 or report online at https://safe2tell.org/.
Christen Reiner is the publisher of Macaroni KID Lakewood-Littleton, Macaroni KID Denver, and Macaroni KID Highlands Ranch-Parker-Castle Rock-Lone Tree.
